The Zen of a Three-Year Old

Arlo started preschool yesterday and already he has taught me a lesson in being present and living the moment.

Last year he was in the Two's program, and this year he is in the Children's Peace Garden, which is a Montessori way of saying the program for 3-6 year olds, encompassing pre-K and Kindergarten. I realized yesterday that most of his friends from last year are in a different class from Arlo. I was concerned that he'd be upset by this.

Today I arrived a few minutes early for his pickup and got to see him playing with his new classmates on the playground. Was he concerned about last year's friends? Nope. Worried that they were in another room, having more fun than him? Not a chance. He was running around the playground with his new best friend, his face registering pure glee.

Then, later this afternoon at the playground near our house, I witnessed Arlo and another boy have a small disagreement over the use of sticks in their play. (Arlo said yes, the other boy said no, they shouldn't play with sticks.) If I had a grown-up disagreement like that, you can believe I would replay the event in my head, discuss it with my mother and husband, and probably use it as fodder for Facebook status updates. But my three-year old? It was over immediately and he went back to having fun. And living in the present moment.

You think when you become a parent that it will be about you teaching them things. But sometimes, if you are open to the lesson, you realize that they make pretty awesome teachers.

And my little Zen master has already given me my first lesson of the school year.

siblings

I think back to when I was pregnant with Elsa. Arlo was not yet two, and I felt guilty: Was I taking away his babyhood? Depriving him of alone time with his daddy and me? My fears were put to rest the first day Elsa and I came home from the hospital. It may have been sloppy at first, but we figured out how to be a daytime team of three. And now, when I catch them playing or reading together or just being buds, I melt. The fear of change has given way to the joy of discovering sibling connectedness.

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Grandma's Sewing Basket

The littles ones and I spent last week in Oklahoma visiting family. One afternoon I caught sight of my mother sewing Elsa's tutu, using her mother's old sewing basket passed down to her after my Grandmother's death. It was a lovely moment, a shared specialness between four generations of women.

Spring Musings

Feeling grateful for the beautiful spring weather here in Oklahoma.

Having fun exploring parks that, while new to Arlo and Elsa, hold many memories for me. (Memories of playing as a child with my brother, parents, church youth group and, on really lucky occasions, my grandmothers.)

Loving this picture of Elsa, in her hand-me-down shoes and warm weather dress, discovering the joy of picking dandelions.

Treasuring the "bird's nest" that my son and his Nana made from rocks and leaves while I attended a yoga class the other night.

I do believe this is what Karen Maezen Miller refers to when she speaks of the inexplicable beauty of the ordinary.

xoxo

In the Spirit of Lent...

In the spirit of Lent, I've given up complaining.

Well, that's the intent at least. Actually, I've become more mindful about the triggering events that typically begin my complaining and I'm working on doing something more productive during those times.

Why? Because it is a drag to be around a person who bitches and moans all the time. Also, complaining keeps you stuck in a rut by giving you the satisfaction of letting off steam and this prevents you from taking action that would prevent such occurances in the future.

For example, when our babysitter was late for the third time, instead of immediately calling my mom or husband and complaining about her, I simply decided to call a differrent sitter next time and I went on with my life. A lot more pleasant for everyone involved, right?

It's not easy to give up a complaining habit, that's for sure. But it's a heck of a lot more fun than giving up chocolate or ice cream for 46 days.

St. Patty / Green Beer Day

I have two memories of St. Patty's Day.

What I mean is that when I think of St. Patty's Day, two very different thoughts come to mind.

First, I think about dive bars and green dye in Coors Lite and people guzzling that nasty stuff down. (I dated a microbrewery owner many moons ago and I have no problem admitting I'm a beer snob of the highest degree.)

Second, I think about being a kid and always wanting to wear a green shirt or a green dress on St. Patty's Day. No brainer, right? For some reason - and I bet my mother will deny this! - she always made us wear regular clothes and pinned a small square of green construction paper to our shirts.

"You're not wearing green!" Some 3rd grader would say, pinching my ribs.

I'd defensively point to my square of green over my heart and pinch them back.

You'd think I would make amends for this by dressing my kids in spectacular green outfits today, right? I am sad to say that I blew it. I totally forgot it was St. Patty's Day and we didn't even accidentally have a streak of green on anything we wore. But the worst part is that for a split second I actually considered finding some green construction paper at the CVS across from Arlo's school...

Happy St. Patty's Day, everyone.

Cheers!

I Love Dirt!

I stumbled upon this great book - "I Love Dirt: 52 Activities to Help You & Your Kids Discover the Wonders of Nature" by Jennifer Ward. Pride leads me to inform you that I know my way around the outdoors. I may not be much of a camper (I need my daily showers and the bugs like me a little too much) but I grew up playing in the Oklahoma pastures and today I can't resist a good hike. But, I can always use a little inspiration for outdoor things to do with my little ones, especially in these cold winter days.

Score! I found a great activity for winter days, and this one will work for my one year old, my three year old and my 15 year old stepdaughter. The project is to design treats for the winter birds that stick around during the cold months. Food, including orange wedges, seeds, and nuts can be used. I love the book's idea of using pinecones smothered with a mixture of peanut butter, raisins, sunflower seeds, cornmeal, and oatmeal and to skewer orange slices on sticks to make bird shish kebabs. I'm not sure which the kids will find most fun - creating the bird food or watching the birds enjoy our tasty treats. Either way, I'll take pictures and report back.

What are your favorite outdoor winter activities with small children?

Christmas Morning Helicopter Rescue

6: Minutes before Arlo's new remote control helicopter landed on our snow-packed roof while he tested it outside

46: Minutes it took my husband, stepdaughter, and me to retrieve the helicopter from said snowy roof, using a ladder and long pole typically used for vacuuming the pool

happy holidays everyone!

40 By 40, Sort Of

This ain't no Bucket List. It's me, on my 35th birthday, thinking about what I want to do during the next five years. Here goes:

1. Gather a group of rad women into a poker club that meets monthly.

2. Learn how to play poker so I can win $$ at said poker games.

3. Finish writing the fiction and nonfiction books I've started, publish them, and throw big parties to celebrate their completion and publication.

4. Grow as a photographer using my dad's old, fully manual cameras.

5. Learn how to play at least three songs on the guitar.

6. Learn how to cook - vegan, comfort, ethnic.

7. Find one sport my husband and I enjoy doing together and do it.

8. Travel to at least three of the places of interest to me now: India, Nepal, Thailand, Spain, Portugal, Argentina, Costa Rica, and Greece.

9. Teach my son and daughter how to snowboard and ski.

10. Obtain or at least begin a masters in womens studies. Just cause I'm interested.

11. Tour the northern California wineries with my husband, sans kids.

12. Learn conversational Spanish, Italian, and French.

13. Go on a silent meditation retreat.

14. Get over my fear of public singing by doing karaoke at least once (I've NEVER done it before, never).

15. Commit to a daily meditation practice.

16. Commit to a daily yoga practice.

17. Produce at least one collection of clothing for nursing mamas.

18. One more baby - a gang of three little ones running around the house would be perfectly, blissfully chaotic.

19. Learn to play tennis, cause I totally see myself doing it in my 80s.

20. Reform my night owl ways and sleep at least 7 hours a night, most nights of the week.

21. - 39. ???

40. Plan and execute an amazing 40th birthday bash!

12 Month Checkup - My New Mission

Today my husband and I took our 13 month old to her 1 year appointment with the pediatrician. We were prepared for her to be on the skinny end of the weight spectrum.

First of all, she's just a waif. Skinny arms and legs, no layers of luscious baby fat on her body that make you all googley-eyed. Second, like every person in our five-member family, Elsa has suffered the stomach bug that's been going around this house. In the past two weeks, someone is at all times throwing up and/or crapping their bum off. And poor Elsa has suffered the longest, with five straight days of symptoms. So she's got to be down ounces and maybe a pound or two because she simply hasn't eaten much lately.

But we still thought she would measure 50th percentile for height and 30th for weight.

It was the doctor's statement about "this not warranting an IV" that scared me wide awake, despite the past two nights' lack of sleep. "She is small but feisty" we were told "but during bouts of diarrhea she cannot afford to lose weight or there could be a big problem."

So, my new mission: Fattening up Elsa*

*or at least making her less skinny

I'm to replace water and juice with milk (16-20 ounces a day) laced with canola oil, feed her buttered pasta, avocado, high fat yogurt and fattening meat. I never thought that her current feasting of corn, green beans, bananas, apples, peas and carrots -- sounds healthy enough to me - would be insufficient. Sigh.

We're scheduled to see the doc again in two weeks. I will do my best and pray for some girth on her little thighs (imagine having such a problem!).

In the meantime, if you have tips for fattening up an active (walking, climbing) 13 month old, please send them my way.

Thanksgiving Eve, Rain, Thankfulness

It's been raining here in the DC metro area for a few days. And I am thankful for the rain. Because of it, I pulled out the rain coat from the back of the closet this morning as we were leaving to take Arlo to preschool. In so doing, I felt something heavy in my left pocket. My digital camera! Lost for two weeks! The very item for whose disappearance I had absolutely torn apart our house! It's like Christmas on Thanksgiving Eve.

Step-parenting is...

If you are a stepparent, I dare you to finish that sentence. And to post the sentence online, for all to see.

I have not yet written openly about being a stepmother of a teenager, or how that relationship effects my marriage, my sanity, or my patience in parenting my own two small children. My feelings are too raw. The emotions are too big. The ramifications too high. So what follows is my restrained first attempt at the matter.

Before I became a stepmother, I read a self-help book on the topic. One line sticks in my head: "Being a stepmother can actually be a joyful experience." I believe the possibility is there, and that many factors play into whether you reach "joyful" or not. The biological mother and father play major roles. They have the ability to undermine and sabotage or help create a positive situation. The attitudes and personalities of the stepmom and the stepchild are, of course, also important.

I am pessimistic about getting to "joyful" if the child wishes their mother and father would get back together. Ditto when the stepmother is the primary parent to make rules, assign chores, and call attention to and enforce violations.

So what do you do? What comes next?

I guess you just keep on keeping on. You try to stay present with the other joy in your life and be the best mom you can be to your own children and you work on yourself as a person. You work on your own mindfulness. And I guess you never give up hope on getting to joyful. And you take respite in the reality of joint custody as a time to regroup and try for better the next time.

Autumn in Bethesda

I recently took the kids to one of our favorite parks, Norwood Park in Chevy Chase, Maryland. The trees could not have been more gorgeous, with their leaves bursting in shades of red, orange and yellow. The weather was crisp enough for a jacket, but combined with the late-morning sun, not cold enough to demand hats and gloves. We played and picnicked on sandwiches and fruit. I remember sitting on the park bench and having one of those moments of pure bliss - where you want to close your eyes and hold on to the feeling as long as you can.

House Full of Sickees

It started with my sore throat last Saturday. That evening I sat through a miserable play at Round House Theater ("26 Miles," miserable for me because of its stepmother-bashing, I swear I'm going to write a play or book about the amazing, wonderful, misunderstood stepmother - but I digress) and came home and climbed into bed with a full-on cold and sinus infection. Four miserable days later I found relief through a nice Southern ENT doctor who gave me a prescription for an antibiotic but cautioned we'd have to do something about my deviated septum, which causes all these sinus infection.

Meanwhile, Arlo (he'll be 3 in January) and Elsa (1 next week) caught the cold bug, as did my husband. We have no family here, so no safety net (ie no people to hand the kids to as we climb into bed and rest). Just babysitters that charge $15-20 an hour...painful!

Oh well, what can you do? We're passing our sick time by snuggling and watching Diego and Dora, and playing in the basement playroom and drinking lots of OJ and water. I'd love to go for a walk in the rain, but figure someone might call CPS if I take a sick infant and toddler out in the rain for a walk. So maybe we'll just continue to bask in the sweet smell of Vicks and Lysol while enjoying lazy, horizontal hours.

How do you spend your days when you have a house full of sick ones?

Halloweeeeeeen

I love Halloween. It's tied with New Years Eve as my favorite holiday. My husband is puzzled but amused by my excitement over Halloween. I can't really explain it, except that my Halloween crush probably began as a kid going trick-or-treating and then was solidified in my early 20's in college, going to Halloween parties in a hippie mountain town where people got REALLY into the spirit.




So over the weekend we hosted an adult/child Halloween party and it was fabulous (at least for me). Food, juice, booze, candy, moon bounce, somebody's grandpa dressed as Winnie the Pooh - what's not to love?

First Pumpkin Carving

This morning we helped the kids carve their first pumpkin. Arlo traced the pumpkin face outline and cut the pumpkin using a mostly-dull knife from the carving kit. Meanwhile, Elsa helped scoop pumpkin filling. She also taste-tested the seeds when she was quick enough to pop them into her mouth without us looking.

I love, love, love Halloween!

Reusable Cloth Ziplocks - I So Want to Copy

I am filled with all sorts of existential angst about my carbon footprint. Three of my top worries - disposable diapers, paper towels, and all the darn ziplock bags I use for carting around snacks as we head to the park and other excursions. Today's focus and solution has to do with the ziplock baggies, thanks to blog Progressive Pioneer.

The ziplock baggies...I seriously fret about how many plastic ziplocks people (including me) send into landfills each day. Of course we use those small plastic containers that are supposedly spill-proof when we can, but if you need a sandwich holder instead of a Goldfish cracker holder, those little containers aren't very helpful. That's why I am super excited about Progressive Pioneer's posting for today, about making your own reusable cloth ziplocks. That posting contains pictures of her experience making the baggies, as well as some hints for putting it all together. Check it out, they are super cute. http://www.progressivepioneer.com/progressive-pioneer/

Do I think I will actually sew my own? Not a chance. I don't have the foggiest idea about sewing. But you can bet I'll find someone making and selling them on Etsy and get some for my family and to use as gifts for some of my mama friends.

Ageless Style

My birthday is around the corner, which gets me thinking about accomplishments and to-do's, as well as how I see myself aging with style and grace. One of the blogs I enjoy and follow is Ink on My Fingers, and today it posts a piece on aging with style. Follow the link and enjoy!

http://inkonmyfingers.typepad.com/ink_on_my_fingers/2009/10/-ageless-style-.html

Intentions Friday

Today is Friday and I feel the need to create some intentions for my life, going forward. Here they are:

1. I will kick my addiction to soda once and for all.

2. I will learn more about nutrition and the effects of eating lots of dairy and wheat and make any adjustments in my diet that might lead to a happier digestive system and a more energetic me.

3. I will create time each day for writing, movement, and meditation.

4. I will finish my "40 before 40 list" and share it on this blog next week.

xoxo shelby

Muskogee, Oklahoma, USA

The babies and I are here in Muskogee, Oklahoma - my hometown - visiting my mom and stepdad. I only told one friend I was coming in, and we got together for dinner a few nights ago. It was so awesome to be able to get out for a nice dinner and conversation and not hear the $20 an hour babysitter's clock going off in my head. (Thanks, Mom!)

It's been cloudy and chilly here, so our outdoor excursions have included lots of layers of warm shirts, jackets, and hats, as well as mittens for little Elsa. It's funny how kids respond so positively to the outdoors. They simply love being outside running, jumping, kicking balls, and exploring. We had lots of fun throwing small sticks into the little creek behind the house.

Muskogee has added a trolley that carries passengers around town, and we intend to take it tomorrow. Where it rains or not, we'll also check out Honor Heights Park to give bread to the ducks and see the waterfall. Of course, I've already begun boring my children with stories from my childhood and I've shared with them most of my favorite restaurants from growing up.

Sometimes isn't it so nice being home?